The wind blew hard. The curtains that draped over the windows fluttered as if they were sails of a huge wooden ship (the ones you see in old movies, dating back to 18th century history) braving a terrible weather en route to a new land. Think of John Smith on his ship, that should give you a clear picture. The lighting flashes could clearly be seen from the living room. I started to feel chills run down to my arms.
After I waved a stick of cigarette to Cherry on my way out, she said, “Meron ka pa?” I smiled and went to my room to get the rest of the sticks that I’d bought before she arrived.
The wind was really cold outside. It felt like a storm was brewing. The sky looked terribly dark, and the lightning flashes made it look like a swirling vortex willing to suck everything. For a moment, I felt a chill run down my spine. I thought of being struck by lightning, or heaven forbid lightning should strike our house.
I stood cold on the porch, watching the sky. Before the cold -and the chill from paranoid-driven thoughts- could wrap me whole, I lighted a cigarette and breathed the nicotine into my system. It felt warm- relaxing. It had been weeks since I had my last nicotine trip.
“What if you were to travel by bangka on this kind of weather?” I asked Cornflake while she was busy texting and puffing her stick.
“Ayoko nga, napaka-risky.”
“What if kasama yung boyfriend mo?” I jokingly asked.
She said something like, “Ayan! OK yan, payag ako!” with a big smile on her face.
I had to stifle a laugh and shake my head. “Adik!” I said.
We all need a sort of survival jacket during harrowing times, so to speak. ‘Cause then things wouldn’t suck (or be as bad) as much. To others, they sort of turn to ‘romantic jackets’ to comfort them during these times, which I think is human. It’s always the thought of having a ‘lover’ that keeps them warm at night, so to speak, again.
As for me, I don’t really think of a romantic jacket when it comes to the subject. And that’s not just because I have never had any romantic relationship since birth (one that’s official, and, say, not just mutual) and have given up on the hope that I might one day find a pair of hands that fit my own hands. I’ll get to that point someday. Where I am right now, all I need is a bunch of crazy and loving people who know my worth -and who need me in their life. I have my family, I have real friends, and for now it’s more than enough to keep me floating amidst belligerent waters.